I’m sorry, but God did not buy you a Lexus.

Today I come home from a very busy 9.5 hour shift, working 3pm to 12:30am without a break, and all I can think is how this is absolutely what I want to be doing right now. And how lovely is that. The purchase of a *ahem* quite uh, high quality guitar (that means expensive), along with a car repair (expensive), and some other necessary things (expensive), left my bank account drained in the most discouraging of ways. 2 weeks of very successful monetary lock down (eating out only 1 time each week, and no extra purchases), long hours at both jobs, 2 pet sitting jobs, and 2 babysitting jobs (thanks McVeys!) finds my bank account refilling slowly but surely. The horizon looks promising–Little Car’s check engine light is on again, but feel like I’m getting in the groove of really watching my spending, and feeling really motivated to, and the pet sitting is coming pretty steadily.

Music is going well on the artistic end. I’ve been writing a lot of late–but it always comes like an ebb and flow. I’ve been called prolific twice in the past 2 months by 2 different people, which is an encouraging thing to hear. I don’t necessarily think of myself as a prolific songwriter, I’ve never really thought about it I guess. The whole music thing has always been sort of mysterious. It’s really hard to judge these sorts of things about yourself because there’s no real standard to measure yourself against, and it’s been interesting unraveling the picture bit by bit. Like, when I was little I thought that everyone wrote songs. It’s like thinking thoughts. It BLEW my MIND when as teenagers my brother told me he had never written a song. And I’m sure other people experience that with other things–the way you perceive the world is “normal”. Normal is completely subjective.

Anyhoo, on the technical end, I keep putting off calling this new recording contact I have. The whole picking a place to do my recording is very daunting. Because I want something really good. And when you get into the music circle, everybody knows somebody who has this friend who does recording. Everybody. I swear to God. And I hate to be a snob (but I’m totally a snob), but I honestly want something that looks legit. Like hardwood floors and grand pianos and leather couches and lava lamps and a huge mixing board. Things that studios that charge you way more than your friend’s buddy with the studio in his basement have. Things that these studios put there to make you feel like they’re legit. I want those things. They comfort me. Like, look! Obviously enough people use us or how else would we afford these legit looking things? We must be high-quality! And, yes, these places cost way more. Like tons more. But honestly that comforts me too. But, a coworker gave me a contact number for this musician who is in a pretty popular band around the NCs, and it might be a good deal. Plus, once I saw this band live before he told me about him, and was totally BLOWN AWAY by one musician in it, and it turns out that it’s this dude. But I’m putting off contacting him. Because I deal with overwhelm by avoidance. *Pause in blog writing to email music man*.

So, on my way to work the other day, I was driving behind a Lexus with a personalized licence plate that said, “PD4BYGOD”. And unless I’m completely missing something, I was actually very pissed off. Not to be all judgemental and all that, but there are starving children in Africa and you think God bought you a Lexus? Come again mother fucker. And even if dude man considers every dollar a gift from God, which I totally respect, it’s so completely asinine and pompus to claim that God bought you a Lexus. I cannot even think of a scenario where I would be ok with someone putting that licence plate on a Lexus. If it were a beat up old thing, then it would be totally cute and heartwarming. But, for. serious. God did not buy you a Lexus. Any other takes on this? Am I being completely judgemental and nearsighted?